Hello My Name is…

What identifies you? Is it your job? Is it the college you went to? Is it your status in the community or church? Or perhaps it is something from your past. Maybe it’s an abusive experience that you replay in your mind again and again. imagesC1X298BJ

These tragic memories never seem to fade away but instead continue to haunt you until they become part of your internal fabric that you wear every day. Or perhaps it’s a series of lies you have come to believe that are part of your identity. Lies such as: “I’m not that smart.” “I’m not attractive.” “I am unlovable.” “I am worthless.” “People never like me.” Continue reading

Putting Emotional Pain in Its Proper Place

One of my clients was going through a particularly difficult time with finances. Her hours at work had been reduced and she needed to dip into her savings each month to pay her bills. This went on for several months and she complained the stress of worrying about money was having a negative impact on her sleep, health and personal relationships. Normally, a gentle and easy-going individual, her emotional distress was causing her to be irritable and short-tempered. She could find nothing to be happy with and found fault in all things and every one. She was painting her life with a broad black brush.  fear-615989_1280

When I asked what percentage of the time she thought about her financial situation she answered “It seems like I think about it 100% of the time. I can’t let it go and it feels like a weight that is causing me to drown.”

What this young woman was doing is not different from what many of us do when we find ourselves faced with emotional pain. We tend to dwell on the negative circumstances and carry the pain with us throughout our day. We allow emotional pain to control us. We allow it to creep into all aspects of our lives by making us feel miserable 24/7. In turn it has a negative impact on everything we do as well as our relationships. It consumes us and eventually we become the pain.

For example, your boss is critical of your work and demands that you demonstrated improvement or changes will need to be made. You now start worrying about getting fired and how you are going to make ends meet. You worry about it when you’re alone. You worry about it when you are surrounded by others. You worry about it when you are supposed to be involved in joyful activities. Worrying about being fired has become the center of your existence.        Continue reading

Why Are Women So Hard on Themselves?

A new survey conducted by Weight Watchers showed women on average criticize themselves eight times a day. Eight times a day a woman is trashing herself in some fashion!women-1023150_1280

The survey, which was conducted among 2,000 women between the ages of 18 and 60, claims women engage in negative self-talk most often about their appearance and career. They also spend a great deal of time comparing themselves to other women – which we know never leads to positive outcomes. In fact, 89% of the women admitted giving compliments to other women that they would never believe about themselves.

So why are women so negative when it comes to how they feel about themselves? According to the Weight Watchers’ survey, two major factors are social media and media influence. We all understand how today’s media presents a message being popular is everything and one of the keys to popularly is having the “perfect” appearance. The image of today’s American women that is being portrayed by the media is false. Most women are not 6-foot tall and 110 pounds. In fact, the average physical statistics for today’s woman in this country is 5’4” and 166.2 pounds (according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).

Social media outlets are sources where people brag about their achievements and circumstances. Rarely are posts negative and this leaves viewers with the impression that others are doing much better in life than themselves. This in turn leads to negative self-assessments that are not based on reality but instead false assumptions and impressions.    

One of the key findings of the survey was women wish they could “believe in themselves”. But how do you believe in yourself when you’re trashing yourself throughout the day?  

Our sense of worth should not be based on our erroneous and faulty self-perceptions, but instead we are better served to turn outward for the inspiration and confidence needed to generate positive self-worth. Where would that come from? Our relationship with God.

Self-worth found in our performance, appearance, careers or in how we perceive others see us will always be limiting and unsteady. Instead our true self-worth can only be obtained by understanding and believing how God sees us.

I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,’ says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6:17-18).

Sisters, you are children of God. He created each of you to be in relationship with Him. He wants you to lean on Him to be nurtured and guided. He wants to protect and comfort you. He wants you to feel special and unique. He wants you to feel proud of yourself despite your flaws and imperfections.

It’s time to end the negative self-talk and replace it with the truth. And that truth is you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). Don’t tear down with your negative words what your loving Father in Heaven created.  

Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC is a licensed counselor with a private practice in Marietta, GA. Please feel free to share and re-post this article. You can read more of his articles at his website: www.abundantlifecounselingga.com or his blogs: www.TamingChristianShame.com and www.SexuallyPureMen.com